Loving Summer

We recently took a family vacation. It was so nice to have some time together – all four of us.
While we were away I had a couple revelations about random stuff. One of them was that I have severe patience issues when it comes to Drew… and another that life is a whole lot easier when Walt is around!

Drew is such a sweet, adorable, cuddly, awesome toddler. But he is also MONSTER TODDLER!!!! … particularly when he has hit his hunger wall…. or his tired wall… or the I’m bored wall… or the I’m not getting what I want wall… eeerrrrgggghhh Patience… I hear it’s virtuous. I have none…. I’m hoping he’ll grow out of it ???????

Anyway, here are my boys looking really sweet and happy at the hotel pool. They were ECSTATIC actually at this point… because this happened immediately upon arrival to our hotel after an 8 hour car ride!!!! They were so ready to play. Grant is getting a lot better with water this year but he still won’t jump in. Drew, on the other hand, would dive in with no flotation if we’d let him. Such different kids!!!

The kids LOVED the aquarium (Ripley’s Aquarium in Gatlinburg). Well, Grant loved it. Drew loved it up to the point when he got hungry. If you’ve seen Drew, you would note right away the appearance of malnutrition… he might widdle away to nothing if he doesn’t eat on time!

Back to earlier noted revelation, I realized while at the aquarium with … oh, you know … hundreds of other people … that I now have the screaming kid. Yeah… me… he’s mine. That’s right. I used to stare at other parents in disbelief. How could they possibly let their kid scream like that in public. I was appalled. If Grant even thinks about acting up in public all I have to do is shoot him one mommy glare and he straightens up. Oh, how I’m being laughed at my the good Lord. Drew doesn’t care what I do or say or how loud and embarrassing his screams are… if he’s upset … everyone around us knows about it…. as they did that day at the aquarium. I can’t describe how horrified I was when as I glanced around, I realized I was getting the stares from those parents of well-behaved kids… Sooo, guess whose trip to the aquarium was cut short. YUP… mine and Drew’s. I hear Walt and Grant had a great time….

On to the second revelation… life is easier with Walt around. Walt is such a good daddy and way more patient with the boys than me. When he’s around I can breather a little, you know.

But most importantly, the boys light up when he’s with them. When we got home from our three day trip to Gatlinburg it was a Saturday. A non-class Saturday for Walt and since we left that day open for vacation, we had nothing planned. When Grant woke up that morning we told him that we were going to go do something fun – like a vacation at home. You should have seen his bright blue eyes light up!! He had a grin from ear to ear and said “WE’RE STILL ON VACATION????”. This was so exciting to him because he realized that “vacation” means he has the attention of both mommy and daddy. He doesn’t care what we’re doing or where we’re going … he just cares that we’re all four doing it together. It was awesome to see him so happy. Vacations are a really good thing when your life is busy!

Here’s some more pics from our trip:

Design Envy

One of my friends tells me all the time that she feels like she’s never quite good enough at anything… I listen in silence as she spills her heart about this. I sit in silence because I’m feeling exactly the same way.

If you’re a TYPE A stop reading right now. This will grate on your nerves in a big way.
I’ve always been a fan of mediocrity… you know, doing just enough to get by. I don’t know why, I’ve always admired those who go above and beyond, who strive for perfection, who always look for bigger and better. I’ve just never been one of them. I was the one in the back of the class, barely awake, thinking about what fun thing I could do when class was finished. I’m still like that. Now I think about getting just enough work done to stop at 3:00 so I can make it to the golf course in time to play a quick nine holes.

But, THIS IS BAD. I don’t have enough hours in the day to be mediocre anymore.

A quick background on this: my life has been surrounded by over-achievers. My older sister is a classic, beautiful, smart example of an over-achiever. It never bothered me to the point that I was envious (well, okay maybe a little bit on the ‘beautiful’ part) – but I’ve always admired her for her ambition and willingness to strive to be more than was expected. And my husband, well he is a painful daily reminder that the world is full of idiots – of which he is clearly NOT – which I am gradually beginning to realize includes me. If there is anything to be conquered, he will conquer it; and with above average results every time. He’s brilliant and over-achieving to a fault. In fact, he’s not happy unless he’s performing bigger and better and accomplishing, accomplishing, accomplishing… and mediocrity – NOT in his mindset.

So, two of the biggest influences on my life are above-average at what they do and constantly strive to learn more and be more. What happened to me?

I have a few friends that are designers like me – but I use “like me” loosely. They’re not really “like me” because they are REALLY REALLY good at what they do. I am so mediocre I could write a book on it. Yeah, I am better at some things than at others. But it seems like the ‘others’ are outweighing the ’some things’ lately. There is so much technology to keep up with in this industry, and so little time in the day. But, everyone else seems to be embracing it and running with it while I struggle to keep up. When I started out in design, that’s all it was. Some Photoshop, a little Illustrator, a scanner, a printer… that’s it. Now there’s a billion different types of programming languages to drive content management for website development… there’s widgets, and modules, and datasets (none of which is DEESIGN – it’s PROGRAMMING). Photoshop is so much more than a shop for photos these days. Its integration into the web development world is CRAZY. (by the way, I don’t EVER want to hear anyone complain about how much software costs – do you have any idea how much programming goes into that stuff?????). The web animation program known as Flash has enough power alone to practically make my breakfast – with it’s non-linear editing, and it’s amazing action-script capabilities. It’s amazing, but intimidating all in one. I’m just one person, I can’t keep up. But, I should. I’ve been perusing my designer friends’ sites and they are embracing this stuff. They are taking it and kicking its butt. It took me a week to figure out how to write a database using SQL server. In case you were wondering, that’s the standard database language these days for Windows users.

Now instead of feeling okay with having done enough to get by, I feel like I’m lagging behind and will never catch up. I have all these awesome ideas and ways I think I can build my business. It just feels so daunting and arduous… where’s my fire? Where is my drive? I can see where I want to be, what I want to be doing. But the path to get there… it feels worn and tangled and confusing and LONG!

Journey To Home

I was trying to think of a creative name for my blog. Thirty-something was taken (not creative but I really wanted that one) so I landed on journey to home. I thought it was appropriate for a couple reasons. First, I just feel like every day and every little thing that happens – big or small – is all part of a journey that I’m on (we’re on) to find my way “home”. Second, I feel like there have been so many times when I’ve started to feel really comfortable with where I am and start to feel “at home” with my self and my situation. Any time I’ve felt like that – I get slammed. You know the feeling. You know how it goes … life is good, things are well, feeling content… WHAM … enter life curve ball. Happens to everyone, doesn’t it? And always when we’re not expecting it.

When I was a child, I thought “home” was anywhere as long as my parents were around. As I got a little older I gravitated to the bricks and mortar definition. My house – that was my home. From the age of 18 – 24 I lived in six different locations over two cities. I still felt at home though, as long as my closest friends were near. Unfortunately, during that time some of my closest friendships dismantled, I experienced my fair share of unhealthy bonds with unhealthy people, my future was at times unclear and home became a confusing concept. Since then, I’ve grown, moved away from my “home” town, married, had children of my own, and have developed a few deep and meaningful friendships. But With all that, I still look for “home”. I still look for that place to land where I feel I can finally relax, stop worrying, stop running, stop thinking too much and just feel “at home”. I want to get to that point when you’re at your best friend’s house and you can open their refrigerator or their cabinets and not feel like you’re intruding. (That’s right, Heather, I’ve scanned your cabinets for chocolate snacks more than once!!)

Where’s your home? Are you living it or still searching? I think we’re all searching. I don’t think we’re ever quite comfortable. And once we are, God throws a curve ball … sometimes it’s small, sometimes life altering… whichever it is, we’re usually left standing there wondering what happened to our beautiful home.

Crazy or Passionate?

Everyone is a writer now … given the ‘blog’ age and the convenience that it grants.  Have you noticed how most people are much more comfortable writing their thoughts than speaking them?  Do you think they are most genuine when writing, or speaking?  Why are our personalities different when we’re typing — maybe not different, but certainly more open.  Is it weird?

One of the things I find most peculiar (see – I would never use that word – peculiar – if I was speaking) is how open and vulnerable everyone is on their blogs.  Is it that we’re so scared to be ourselves under normal circumstances that once we get an impersonal forum we feel the incessant desire to exclaim our inner most thoughts like we’re some kind of crazy person?   Think about that for a minute.  We’re starved for authenticity.

I’m not criticizing … I like it …

But then, I’ve had a need to write for as long as I can remember.  And, generally speaking, I’m not too bad at it.  I even thought about making it a career when I was younger.  In fact, that’s where my path was headed until I talked with some graphic artists one day.  That day saw the beginning of a new love for an emerging communication vehicle just as powerful as writing.  But I still love to write and I still need it as much as I need anything else.

Getting to the point … stick with me.

A few of my close friends and a couple family members have asked me to keep blogging.  … rewind a bit …  When I was pregnant with my boys I kept a journal which turned into a ‘blog’ about the joys and trials of pregnancy – usually in a wildly comical fashion.  (No you can’t read it – I took it down)  Since then, many of my friends have started blogging and they love it and wish that I too join them in the online journaling endevour known as ‘blogging’.  So, here I am with my computer and my thoughts – which, by the way, are two things I pretty much always have around – blogging my first official entry.